He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
