mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
