Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
