I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
