dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
