my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
