So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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