also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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