Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
