she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
