Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
