OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
