Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
