I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
