M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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