I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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