I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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