guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
