I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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