he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
