Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
