I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
