Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
