she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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