I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
