did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
