I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
