dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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