True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
