My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
