im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
