Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
God I need to hump something, right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
