"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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