weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
