the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
