I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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