Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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