your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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