I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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