She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
