its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
