Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
