I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
