Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
