i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
