chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
