he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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