Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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