oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
