Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
