She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
two words: eviction party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
