It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
