I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
