I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
