If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
