Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
