dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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